Carol Gunn’s Story About Baba
卡萝·冈恩的巴巴故事
As I reflect back on my life I see clues of Meher Baba's guidance and love long before I was consciously aware of him.
当我回首往事，我发现远在我意识到美赫巴巴之前，他已留下指引与爱之线索。
I was born in Wilmington. North Carolina in 1944. Wilmington, other than being a coastal port city and hub for the Atlantic coastline railway, was a fairly provincial and sleepy place. Nonetheless it had an airport through which Baba passed on two trips to the Meher Spiritual Center in Myrtle Beach in 1956 and 1958. I like to think that Baba drove past my father's clothing store in downtown Wilmington on His way to the Center.
我1944年出生于北卡罗来纳州威明顿市。除了作为沿海港口城市和大西洋海岸线的铁路枢纽外，威明顿是个相当守旧沉寂之地。尽管如此，本地有个机场，巴巴于1956和1958年前往默土海滨的美赫灵性中心时，两次途经此地。我倾向于认为，巴巴在前往中心的途中，驱车经过了我父亲在威明顿市中心的服装店。
I was raised in the Jewish faith by loving parents. While attending services at our local synagogue, I would try to connect in some way with the God we would read about in the prayer books or hear about in services. However, this God of the Hebrews seemed rather inaccessible and remote. I mostly enjoyed the social aspects and camaraderie of being at the synagogue and of being a member of the larger Jewish community.
在信仰犹太教的氛围中，父母慈爱地抚养我长大。在当地的犹太会堂做礼拜时，我会尝试以某种方式，联系我们在祈祷书中读到或在礼拜中听到的上帝。然而，希伯来人的上帝似乎遥不可及。我最享受的是，在犹太会堂里和作为更大的犹太社区成员之间的交往和友情。
As a child I was intrigued by one part of the Jewish Seder meal at Passover time. A special wine glass would be set at the table for Elijah the prophet. Later someone would go to the door to see if Elijah had arrived at our house. It was my understanding that Elijah would bring news that the Messiah had come. I always hoped that Elijah would be at the door and was disappointed each Passover when he did not come to our house.
小时候，犹太教逾越节家宴的一个部分让我着迷。餐桌上会给先知以利亚摆一个专用酒杯；之后让人到门口，看以利亚有没有来到我们家。按我的理解，以利亚会传讯宣告弥赛亚来临。我总盼望以利亚会来到门口，而每次逾越节都会因为他没来我们家而失望。
In the early 60’s I went to college at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill. I found the town most beautiful. It had a vibrant and uplifting energy which at the time I attributed to the newness of being on my own and going to college. Years later I learned that Baba had a connection with Chapel Hill: He had passed through on His way from Myrtle Beach to Durham's Duke Hospital to have His leg cast changed after His automobile accident in Oklahoma in 1952. He had also directed Najoo Kotwal, one of His close followers, to attend graduate school at UNC in the late 1950s.
60年代初，我入读北卡罗来纳大学的教堂山分校。我发现这个镇子极美。它充满活力且令人振奋，当时我归因于自己独立上大学所体验的新鲜感。多年后，我了解到巴巴与教堂山的联系：1952年在俄克拉荷马州发生车祸后，他从默土海滨前往达勒姆的杜克医院更换腿部石膏时，曾途经此地。他还曾指示一位亲密跟随者娜玖·考特沃，于1950年代末在北卡罗来纳大学读研。
I loved walking in the historic neighborhoods and woodlands near campus. At one favorite spot on a wooded bluff, I would reflect on the nature of the universe and wonder about the creation and the Creator. I wondered where the winding road I could see in the distance would lead me. These reflections were one main link with the spiritual side of life. Also, I had always felt uplifted by the beauty of music. Now, as a music major at college, I could continue my enjoyment of playing the piano and listening to music.
我喜欢去校园附近的老街区和森林散步。我会在树木繁茂的悬崖上选一处喜爱之地，沉思宇宙本质，赞叹造物界和造物主。我想知道眼前远处的蜿蜒道路会通往何处。这些沉思是我与生命的属灵层面的一个主要联系。此外，我总感觉被音乐之美所提升。现在，作为大学音乐系学生，我可以继续享受弹钢琴与听音乐的乐趣。
After two years at UNC, with some regrets, I left Chapel Hill. I transferred to the University of Georgia in Athens in order to be closer to a fellow from Atlanta whom I had been dating. David and I had met on a blind date when his family came for a family reunion in Wilmington. We married in 1966 after I graduated from college.
在北卡罗来纳大学两年后，我带着遗憾离开了教堂山。我转读了雅典市的乔治亚大学，以便离我一直在约会的亚特兰大男友更近些。戴维和我是通过相亲结识的，当时他和家人到威明顿参加一次家庭团聚。我大学毕业后，我们于1966年结婚。
Although we were both Jewish, neither of us felt a strong urge to attend synagogue services or to seek some deeper spiritual meaning through Judaism. I did enjoy celebrating the beginning of the Sabbath on Friday nights: I would fix a special meal and we would say the traditional Sabbath prayers. At some point I became interested in learning more about the mystical aspects of Judaism, but the books I read were hard to understand so I didn’t get too far with this pursuit.
虽然都是犹太人，我们却没有强烈的冲动去参加犹太会堂礼拜，或通过犹太教寻求更深层的灵性意义。我确实喜欢在周五晚间庆祝安息日的开始：我会准备一顿特别的饭，我们会念诵传统的安息日祷词。我一度对犹太教的神秘方面感兴趣，想了解更多；可由于阅读的书籍晦涩难懂，故未深入这种追求。
When our son, Dean, was born in 1970 I felt exhilarated to be a mother and to experience the miracle of birth. I can remember viewing the world around me with more awareness and appreciation. I felt as though I was high on life. However there were challenges as well which began to impact my physical and mental health.
1970年我们的儿子迪恩出生；初为人母并且体验生育奇迹让我激动不已。我记得，会带着更多觉知和欣赏眼光去观察周围的世界。我觉得自己似乎处于人生的巅峰。不过有挑战并存，我的身心健康开始受影响。
My physical health was good prior to and after giving birth: however I gradually became more and more exhausted with the routine of being up with Dean several times during the night. During the day I might sleep briefly, but mainly took care of household duties. As a new parent somewhat on cloud nine, I wasn't aware that maintaining this schedule would have some Repercussions.
分娩前后我的身体状况良好：然而我逐渐越来越感到疲惫不堪，因为夜间总要多次起身照顾迪恩。日间我可能会小睡，但多数时间要料理家务。初为人母的我有点飘飘然，未意识到这种作息将带来的影响。
In the meantime, David was under tremendous pressure working six long days a week as the owner of an independent grocery store. The grocery store was losing money and his business partner had accused him of stealing the profits. Later we would learn that profits were being drained as a result of employee and customer thefts. David was so immersed in the events at the store that he could lend little support to me while at home. Because of mothering responsibilities, I couldn't be as supportive of him, whereas in the past I had helped David at his store and been a listening ear for business problems. These issues caused some arguments and marital tensions.
与此同时，戴维开有一家私营杂货店，每周工作六天且承受着巨大压力。杂货店在赔钱，生意伙伴却指责他窃取利润。后来我们了解到，是员工和顾客偷窃导致了利润流失。戴维全心投入店铺事务，所以在家时很少帮忙做事。由于身为人母的育儿责任，我也不可能支持到他；而过去我会在店里帮助戴维，聆听生意上的问题。这些问题导致争执，使婚姻关系紧张。
Eventually the physical, marital and other stresses of being a new mother had an impact on my mental health. Later I would learn that there was a post partum hormonal imbalance component complicating matters as well. In my distress, I began to turn to the inner voice of intuition to help me face the challenges I was experiencing. I thought of this inner voice as some kind of outside guidance from a benevolent source. This source never prompted me to do ‘bad’ things. but I did have some irrational thoughts.
最终，初为人母带来的身体、婚姻等方面的压力影响了我的精神健康。后来我得知，产后激素失衡也是使问题复杂化的因素。我陷入苦恼，开始转向直觉的内在声音，帮助我面对所经历的挑战。我把这种内在声音视为来自一个仁慈源头的某种外在指引。该源头从不鼓励我做“坏”事，但我确实有过一些非理性的念头。
The most special experience I had as I opened to a more intuitive way of thinking was that I began to experience for the first time that God was very present in all of our lives. God was not the distant, seemingly inaccessible God of my youth. I couldn't believe that something so obvious had eluded me in the past and I took comfort in this knowledge.
当我打开一种更富直觉的思维方式后有过的最特别体验是，我首次体会到上帝真切地存在于我们所有人的生命中。上帝不是我年轻时眼中的遥不可及上帝。我不敢相信，如此明显的事实以往居然不为我所理解，认识到这点使我感到安慰。
I tried sharing some of my inner life with my husband and parents. At some point they became concerned about some of my irrational ideas, mixed in with the talk about God. They suggested that it might be helpful for me to talk to a psychiatrist. I agreed even though I didn't believe that there was any major problem.
我尝试与丈夫和父母分享我的内在生活。他们一度担忧我在关于上帝的谈论中，混杂的一些非理性想法；并且建议我去看心理医生，或许对我有帮助。我同意了，虽然认为自己并无大碍。
The psychiatrist offered no validation of the spiritual awakening I described. Instead He suggested immediate drug therapy or hospitalization. I was extremely distressed with the thought that I might have to leave my new baby so I agreed to the heavy-duty medication. The combination of the drugs and professional opinion that I needed help brought my world crashing down. I became confused and felt that I could not trust myself anymore. In addition, the drugs made me feel weird and masked my feelings of love and other emotions. I became depressed, and eventually became afraid of opening to the God force in my life because it seemed to have gotten me in a mess. I wasn't very happy with this God who seemed to be causing me so much suffering and who had seemingly abandoned me.
心理医生并不认可我描述的灵性觉醒。相反，他建议立即用药或住院治疗。想到可能被迫与宝宝分离，我极为难受，遂同意服用大剂量药物。药物作用加上“我需要帮助”的专业意见，使我的世界开始崩溃。我变得困惑，觉得再也无法信任自己。此外，这些药物让我感觉怪异，遮蔽了我对爱和其他情感的感受。我变得抑郁，最终害怕向我生命中的神性力量敞开心扉，因为它似乎使我陷入混乱。我对这位上帝不太满意，似乎他给我造成了如此多的苦难，而且看来遗弃了我。
In the midst of this inner turmoil, I was given some support for the newly experienced spiritual aspects of finding God in my everyday life. My brother Barry, who had become interested in Meher Baba in the late sixties after visiting the Meher Spiritual Center in Myrtle Beach, came to visit shortly after Dean was born. While visiting he gave me a Baba card which I placed on my refrigerator. I don’t remember him saying much about Baba and I didn't make a connection between Baba and God. However, after he returned to upstate New York where he was working at the Brown's Hotel, he wrote me a most beautiful letter that offered some hope in the midst of my troubled times. In the letter he mentioned Baba and some of the insights about life that he was gaining through his relationship with Him. Here are a few excerpts from that letter:
在这次内心混乱期间，我获得了一些支持，重新体验到在日常生活寻找上帝的灵性方面。我的兄弟巴里在迪恩出生后不久来访；他在60年代末拜访了默土海滨的美赫灵性中心，之后对美赫巴巴产生兴趣。会面时他给了我一张巴巴卡片，被我放到冰箱上。我记得他没有太多地谈论巴巴，我也没有将巴巴和上帝联系起来。不过，他返回纽约州北部上班的布朗酒店后，给我写了一封极优美的信，在我的忧患时期带来一些希望。在信中他提到巴巴，以及通过与巴巴的关系所获得的一些生命洞见。下文是该信的部分摘录：
One must realize that there is someone who loves you more than anyone else could ever love you. Love is the answer. Love from friends, family and from that Someone. Although I miss you, I'm with you always as is that certain force, whatever it is to you---to me it's Baba---so ‘Don’t worry be happy.’ This phase too will pass and you may look back and laugh and yet understand yourself and those around you better.
一个人必须意识到，有人比其他任何人都更爱你。爱就是答案，来自朋友、家人以及那个人的爱。虽然我想念你，但我永远和你在一起，正如那股力量，不管对于你那是什么——对我来说它是巴巴——所以“别担心，要开心”。这一阶段亦将过去，届时你会含笑回首往事，更好地理解自己和周围的人。
Rick Berman, a childhood friend from Wilmington who was now living in Atlanta, and his wife Ethel, were a source of solace during my depression. Rick and I were able to talk about having a personal relationship with God which he had experienced also. Being able to share some of my experience with him was very helpful. Ethel stopped by at the end of some of my long days of caring for a new baby when I wasn't feeling well. Rick and Ethel were Baba followers, but did not say much to me about Baba at that time.
家乡威明顿的童年好友瑞克·伯曼现居住亚特兰大，在我抑郁期间，他和妻子艾瑟尔是我的慰藉之源。瑞克可以和我讨论与上帝建立个人关系的话题，他也经历过这个。能对他分享我的一些体验对我很有帮助。在我照顾新生儿的漫长日子里，当我感觉不舒服时，艾瑟尔有时会在白天结束后顺道来看我。瑞克和艾瑟尔是巴巴追随者，但当时并未对我过多谈论巴巴。
Gradually I got better and the drug therapy was discontinued. As things became more normal for me in the worldly sense, I turned to God less and less. I was fearful of ‘going off the deep end’ again if I continued a more personal relationship with God. I focused instead on my responsibilities as a wife and mother.
我逐渐好转并停药。随着在世俗意义上事情逐渐恢复常态，我越来越少转向上帝。我害怕如果继续与上帝保持更私密的关系，会再次“陷得太深”。于是我专心承担身为妻子和母亲的责任。
About four years passed. While on a visit with my family at their home in Wrightsville Beach, my brother Barry showed me the book Be Here Now by Dr Richard Alpert also known as Baba Ram Dass. I was intrigued initially because Alpert is my maiden name. In the book, Ram Dass shares his spiritual journey with the spiritual use of psychedelics to a life in which he embraces a guru and Eastern mysticism. He also had a connection with Meher Baba and quotes some of His words in the book. The part of the book that really caught my attention was an explanation that through a profound event, such as bearing a child, one may touch a place that has intuitive validity of a higher consciousness. Ram Dass explains that such an experience is powerful and valid, but is so discontinuous with one's normal consciousness that the person may doubt its validity. The conventional view of such an experience is that it is Psychotic.
大约四年过去了。到赖茨维尔海滨探访家人时，我兄弟巴里给我看了理查德·艾珀特博士（又名巴巴·拉姆·达斯）的书《活在当下》。我起初很感兴趣，因为艾珀特是我的娘家姓。在书中，拉姆·达斯分享了他的灵性旅程，通过灵性上运用迷幻剂，过着一种皈依古鲁和东方神秘主义的生活。他与美赫巴巴亦有联系，并在书中引用了巴巴的话。真正引起我注意的是书中某处解释：经由某个深刻事件，例如生孩子，一个人可能触及某个地方，对更高意识予以直觉地认可。拉姆·达斯解释说，这种体验强大有效，但相比正常意识它断断续续，以至于当事人会怀疑其可信性。传统观点将这种体验归结为精神病。
After reading this information, I felt a tremendous sense of relief to find some support for the type of experience I had after Dean's birth. This explanation opened that part of myself that had shut the door on anything outside of my usual rational experience including Meher Baba. Feeling excited, I told my brother Barry what I had read. He suggested that we could take a day trip to the Meher Spiritual Center in Myrtle Beach, about an hour drive from Wilmington. Although I was not sure what I might find at the Center, I felt eager to learn more about Baba.
读了该信息后，我如释重负，对迪恩出生后我曾有过的那种体验找到了某种支持。该解释打开了我自身的一个部分，它曾经把超出日常理性体验之外的任何事物，包括美赫巴巴，都拒之门外。我兴奋不已，把我读到的内容告知巴里。他建议我们抽一天时间去一趟默土海滨的美赫灵性中心，那里距威明顿约一小时车程。虽然不确定会在该中心有何发现，我还是渴望进一步了解巴巴。
The Center was quite different from what I expected. I pictured formal buildings and people who were obviously devout or other-worldly. To my relief I saw a beautiful rustic setting and rather normal looking people. Barry gave me a tour and introduced me to Marion Saffo. a high school friend of his. Our conversation with Marion helped me to relax further as I still wasn't sure about these "Baba people." Marion suggested that to learn more about Baba, I might want to read the book Avatar, by Jean Adriel.
该中心与我的预期相当不同。我想象的是正儿八经的建筑和恭谨虔诚或遁世之人群。令我欣慰的是，我看到美丽的乡村环境和外表颇正常的人。巴里带我参观，介绍我认识他的高中朋友马里恩·萨佛。我们与马里恩的谈话又帮助我放松了一些，因为那时我仍拿不准这些“巴巴子民”。马里恩建议，要进一步了解巴巴，我可能需要读一读珍·艾德尔写的书《阿瓦塔》。
It was customary for newcomers to meet one of the ladies who helped run the Center. We met with Jane Haynes, who was at the Center beach with a group of children taking part in Happy Club activities. Jane, who had met Baba in the 1950’s, made me feel very welcome. I told her about myself and she shared about her life with Baba. Jane suggested that upon my return home to Atlanta, that I contact her son, Charles, who helped organize Baba meetings there. It was helpful that neither Jane nor Barry made me feel pressured to rush into a relationship with Meher Baba. I needed time to observe and learn more.
依惯例，会让新来者见一见协助运营中心的一位女士。我们见了简·海恩斯，她在中心海滩与一群孩子参与“快乐俱乐部”活动。简于1950年代见过巴巴，她让我觉得很受欢迎。我跟她聊了自己的情况，她也分享了她跟随巴巴的生活。简建议我回到亚特兰大的家后，联系她儿子查尔斯，他会协助组织当地的巴巴聚会。简和巴里都没有催我匆忙与美赫巴巴建立关系，这是有益的。我需要时间观察并进一步了解。
After returning home to Atlanta, I began to observe an inn subtle change in myself which is hard to put into words. The closest I can come to describing these changes is that I was awakening to other aspects of myself and the world around me. Eventually my curiosity to know more about Baba helped me overcome my shyness about calling Charles. I began to attend some Baba meetings which were held at Emory University, including an entertaining Baba birthday party open to the public at which I played the piano for some of the performers.
回到亚特兰大的家后，我开始注意到自己有一种微妙变化，这难以言表。我能够最接近的描述是，我开始意识到自己和周围世界的其他面向。最终，想进一步了解巴巴的好奇心帮助我克服羞怯，给查尔斯打了电话。我开始参加在埃默里大学举行的一些巴巴聚会，包括一场对公众开放、有趣的巴巴生日派对，活动期间我为一些表演者伴奏钢琴。
At first I felt like an outsider at the meetings and was still reserving judgment about Baba. However, little by little, in various ways, Baba drew me closer. At the Atlanta Baba meetings I loved hearing Charles talk about his personal experiences of being with Baba. In addition there were many fine musicians in the group who shared Baba songs which opened my heart. I learned more about Baba in Jean Adriel's book, Avatar, and experienced Baba's authority and clarity as I read His Discourses. I also visited the Baba Center again on my own where I heard wonderful heart-opening talks by Darwin Shaw, Lyn and Phyllis Ott, Henry Kashouty and others. I also met Kitty Davy and Elizabeth Patterson, long-time disciples of Baba, who were in charge of the Center.
最初我觉得自己在聚会中是局外人，对巴巴仍有所保留。然而巴巴以各种方式，一点点将我拉近。在亚特兰大的巴巴聚会上，我喜欢听查尔斯谈起他伴随巴巴的亲身经历。此外，团体中有许多优秀的音乐家，他们分享的巴巴歌曲打开了我的心扉。我从珍·艾德尔的《阿瓦塔》书中进一步了解巴巴，在阅读巴巴的《语录》时体验到他的权威和清晰。我之后又独自访问了巴巴中心，听了达文·肖、林恩与菲丽丝·奥特、亨利·卡绍提等人的精彩动人谈话。我还遇到了吉蒂·戴维和伊丽莎白·帕特森，负责该中心的巴巴长期弟子。
When I was first getting acquainted with Baba, I had a hard time accepting that He is the Christ or Avatar, the manifestation of God in human form. Because of my Jewish background I hadn't been introduced to the idea of having a relationship with Christ. The concept of God taking a human form was beyond my mind’s ability to understand. However, as my heart opened more to Baba's Love. I no longer needed my mind to understand. Furthermore, everything that I learned about Baba validated my mind’s scrutiny and reinforced my heart connection with Him.
初识巴巴时，我难以接受他是基督或阿瓦塔——神化身为人。由于我的犹太教背景，从未接触过与基督建立关系的观念。人身上帝的概念超出了我头脑的理解力。不过，当我的心灵向巴巴的爱更敞开，就不再需要头脑去理解。而且，我了解到有关巴巴的一切都通过了我的头脑审查，并加强了我与他的心灵联系。
In my everyday life I became a ‘closet' Baba lover - keeping my Baba pictures and a large Baba poster in my bedroom walk-in closet. I wanted to keep this very special part of my life private because my husband had no interest in learning about Baba or tending meetings with me. Also he had been uncomfortable when I had shared a children's Baba book with our son. I became aware of my own deep feelings for Baba when I realized that I would stick to Baba even if my husband asked me choose between Baba or remaining married to him. I was surprised by these feeling because up to this time my husband and marriage had been my life and security.
在日常生活中，我成为一个“壁橱”巴巴爱者——将巴巴照片和一大张巴巴海报保管在卧室的衣帽间里。我想为我生命中的这个特殊部分保密，因为我丈夫没有兴趣了解巴巴，也不愿和我一起参加聚会。我跟儿子分享巴巴的儿童读物时，他也感到不舒服。当我意识到，即使我丈夫要求我在巴巴与婚姻之间作抉择我也会忠于巴巴时，才觉察到我自己对巴巴的深厚感情。我对这种感情颇为诧异，因为到目前为止，丈夫和婚姻一直是我的生命和安全寄托。
Fortunately I didn’t have to choose between my husband and Baba. There were other problems in the marriage which eventually prompted him to ask for a trial separation in 1975. I was very sad and shocked because I loved my husband and had hoped things would work out for us. However in various ways, I felt Baba's loving support and guidance as I came to grips with this big change in my life.
幸运的是，我不必在丈夫和巴巴之间作抉择。婚姻中还有其他问题，最终促使他在1975年要求临时分居。我非常难过和震惊，因为我爱我丈夫，曾希望事情会有转机。不过，当我着手应对生命中这一重大变故时，我在诸多方面都感受到巴巴的大爱支持和指引。
In January of 1976, about two months after the separation I received a postcard from Barry who was on pilgrimage in India to visit Meherabad and Meherazad, special places associated with Baba's life. On the front of the postcard was a picture of Baba standing on Seclusion Hill. I can remember reading the postcard as I stood by the mailbox--it was a pivotal event in this lifetime. In the card Barry invited me to join him in India because it was very important to visit Baba's Samadhi and meet the mandali. He said I should come as soon as possible so that we could be there together.
1976年1月，分居后约两个月，我收到了巴里寄来的一张明信片，他正在印度朝圣，拜访美拉巴德和美拉扎德——与巴巴生活有关的殊胜之地。明信片正面，是巴巴站在闭关山上的照片。我仍记得自己站在邮箱旁边读那张明信片——它是我此生的一个关键事件。明信片上，巴里邀请我赴印度与他会合，因为拜谒巴巴的三摩地和会见满德里非常重要。他说我应尽快过去，这样我们可以一起在那里。
My first thought was, How can I go to India? For one thing my husband David wouldn’t approve and secondly, How can leave my son Dean? Then I realized that I no longer had to worry about David's approval because we were separated. As for Dean, he had been spending more time with his Dad since the separation. Perhaps he would be okay as well. I knew then that if arrangements could be made for Dean, I really wanted to join Barry in India.
我的第一个念头是，我怎么能去印度？首先我丈夫戴维不会赞成，其次我怎能离开儿子迪恩？接着我意识到我再也不必担心戴维赞不赞成，因为我们已分居。至于迪恩，自分居后，他和父亲度过的时光更多。也许他也没问题。我随后知道，若能为迪恩安排妥当，我真的很想赴印度与巴里会合。
By Baba's grace, not only did David agree to take care of Dean, but he also offered to pay for my plane ticket to India. With the help of friends in the Atlanta Baba group, I quickly made arrangements for my trip. My friend Ted Vigodsky offered to take me to the airport. To this day it still amazes me that within three weeks of getting Barry's postcard, I left for India. I had known nothing about what to pack, what airline to take, what shots to get and so on. These days even though I am a more experienced traveler, it often takes me several months to get ready to go to India. It seemed that Baba really wanted me to come to India quickIy.
藉着巴巴的恩典，戴维不仅答应照顾迪恩，还主动为我付了去印度的机票费。在亚特兰大巴巴团体的朋友们的帮助下，我很快安排了此次旅行。我的朋友泰德·维果斯基主动送我去机场。我迄今仍感惊讶的是，接到巴里的明信片不满三周，我就启程去了印度。我根本不知道要带哪些行李，乘哪个航班，接种何种疫苗等等。如今即便我对旅行有了更多经验，通常也需要数月才能准备好印度之行。看来巴巴确实想让我快点来印度。
After making the necessary arrangements, I sent a cable to Barry telling him the dates I was coming. His reply was a bit distressing. He was really happy that I was coming, but he wouldn't be there during the first week of my stay. He would be helping with some documentary filming of Baba lovers in Andhra state with Irwin Luck. However he assured me that all would be well. He would have his friend David Fenster meet me at the Bombay airport and bring me to Ahmednagar. He said I would recognize David because he had red hair and would be wearing a cowboy hat, not a typical description of people in the airport.
做了必要安排后，我给巴里发电报，告诉他我的抵达日期。他的回复有点令人心烦。他很高兴我要来，但在我逗留的第一周他不会在那里。他将与欧文·拉克一起在安得拉邦，帮忙拍摄巴巴爱者的纪录片。不过他向我保证一切会顺利的。他会让朋友戴维·芬斯特到孟买机场接我，送我去阿美纳伽。他说我会认出戴维，因为他一头红发，而且会戴牛仔帽，机场人群并无这些特征。
My parents were very surprised when I told them about my upcoming trip to India. They knew a little about my interest in Baba but having two of their children in India at the same time, especially their somewhat conventional daughter, was a bit overwhelming. My mother commented that I had always been so religious growing up. Later they really respected Baba because they saw that Barry and I both had benefited from our relationship with Him. Later, our whole family, including my younger sisters, visited the Center together.
当告诉父母我即将赴印度旅行时，他们非常惊讶。他们有所了解我对巴巴的兴趣，但两个子女同时在印度，特别是相对传统的女儿，令他们有些难以承受。我母亲评论，我过去一直在虔诚的氛围中长大。后来他们由衷地尊敬巴巴，因为他们看出巴里和我都由于我们与巴巴的联系而受益。后来，我们全家，包括我妹妹，一起拜访了中心。
Most appropriately, I left for India on Valentine's Day. My dear cousin Linda who was living in Boston met me in New York and went with me to the airport for my Air India flight. I had never been out of the country and was feeling a bit overwhelmed as I walked toward my gate. Linda says I looked very small to be heading off on such a big adventure.
恰巧在情人节那天，我前往印度。我亲爱的表姐琳达居住波士顿，在纽约接待我，并陪我去机场搭乘印航的航班。我从未出国过，走向登机口时，感到有点不知所措。琳达说我看起来很瘦小，无法承受这场大冒险。
The trip was exhausting. The already long trip was made even longer because of some mechanical delays. I also couldn't sleep, didn't know to drink lots of water and to limit my alcohol intake. A very attractive off duty Air India navigator invited me to join him in the First Class lounge for drinks and refreshments. One could say that I was distracted by some worldly pleasures of maya. I think Baba was doing some cleaning of impressions before I got to His home.
旅程令人筋疲力尽。由于机械故障延误，长途旅程愈发漫长。我也无法入睡，不知道要多喝水少喝酒。一位颇有魅力的印航领航员下班后，邀请我随他去头等舱休息室，享用饮料点心。有人会说，我被摩耶的世俗乐趣分散了注意力。我认为巴巴是在我到达他家之前，做些清理印象的工作。
Although I was pretty mentally exhausted as the plane flew lower to land at the Bombay airport, I felt a tremendous feeling of home sickness as I viewed India from the air. I felt as though I was returning home after a very long time. These feelings were surprising to me because I had never been to India and was also pretty nervous about what to expect.
尽管飞机下降准备在孟买机场着陆时，我精神上极为疲惫，但从空中俯瞰印度，令我产生一股强烈的思家之情。我感到历经漫长时光后，自己终于回家了。这些感觉让我惊讶，因为我从未去过印度，并且对接下来的事情也非常紧张。
David was easy to spot when he greeted me at the airport. We went together to the home of Nargis Dadachanji. Nargis,whose family had close connections with Baba, welcomed me with a big hug. Her hug and a beautiful picture of Baba made me feel right at home.We rented rooms at her home for several days before continuing the journey to Ahmednagar.
戴维在机场迎接我，果然容易认出他。我们一起去了娜格丝·达达禅吉家，娜格丝一家与巴巴有着密切联系，她热烈拥抱欢迎我。她的拥抱和一张巴巴的美丽照片让我感到宾至如归。我们在她家租房住了几天，之后继续前往阿美纳伽。
David and I and several other passengers, including Khorshed Irani, took a taxi together. To break up the Journey we stopped in Pune to have lunch with Baba's brother Jal. It was special meeting Khorshed and Jal, but at the time I had no idea of their lives of service to Baba. I remember Khorshed taking Baba's name when we got a flat tire. It was one of my early lessons to remember Baba at times of difficulty.
戴维、我和其他几位乘客，包括蔻诗德·伊朗尼，同乘一辆的士。我们中途在普纳停车，与巴巴的弟弟佳尔共进午餐。与蔻诗德和佳尔的会面很特别，但当时我对他们毕生服务巴巴没有什么概念。我记得途中车爆胎时蔻诗德在持巴巴的名。困难之际要忆念巴巴，这是我早期学到的功课之一。
Before going to our accommodations in Ahmednagar, we stopped at the Samadhi, Baba's tomb shrine, to pay our respects. Afterwards, Nana Kher, the tomb attendant, gave everyone Prasad, a hug and a warm, "Welcome Home.” While hugging me, Nana Kher also added one additional line. He said: "Your brother arrived this morning. " Those words were nectar to my ears.
在前往阿美纳伽我们的住处之前，我们在巴巴的陵墓——三摩地旁停车，并去拜谒。之后，陵墓看护者纳纳·科尔给了每人帕萨德、一个拥抱和一句温暖的“欢迎回家”。拥抱我时，纳纳·科尔还加了一句话。他说：“你兄弟今天早上到了。”耳闻此言，如沐甘露。
Barry and I had a joyous reunion that day, meeting each other half way around the world at the Sablok Hotel. He explained that the filming trip to Andhra had ended earlier than expected which allowed him to arrive on the exact day that I did. In the worldly sense, the long journey to India ended with this reunion with my brother. Later, however, I was to have an unexpected reunion with my Beloved as well.
那天，巴里和我愉快地团聚了，绕了半个地球，终于在萨博克酒店见到对方。他解释说，安得拉的拍摄之旅比预期早结束，使他恰好在我到的同一天抵达。在世俗意义上，赴印度的漫长旅途以我同兄弟的这场团聚告终。不过，后来我与至爱同样有不期而至的重聚。
Barry was my pilgrimage guide - making sure that I took advantage of being near Baba's special places and close followers. I had arrived in India with no idea of what to expect. At first I approached every new experience intellectually as an observer, sometimes wondering what one was supposed to feel, for example, at Baba's tomb.
巴里是我的朝圣向导——确保我善用机会，接近巴巴的殊胜之地和亲密跟随者。我到印度时，并没有期待什么。起初，我作为观察者，理智地经历每次新的体验，有时想知道一个人，比如在巴巴陵墓内，该有怎样的感觉。
Gradually my heart began to open as I met many of Baba's close Mandali at Meherazad and Meherabad. In the special atmosphere of these settings, I was inspired by their stories of life with Baba, and through them, I learned more about what it meant to love and obey Him.
随着我在美拉扎德和美拉巴德会见巴巴的许多亲密满德里，我的心灵逐渐开始敞开。在这些环境的特殊氛围中，我被他们跟随巴巴生活的故事所鼓舞，通过他们，进一步认识到爱与服从巴巴的意思。
One day, when I was visiting Baba's Samadhi, Nana Kher asked me to share my Baba story. We sat on the mandap, a covered stone platform opposite Baba's tomb/shrine. When I got to the part of my story where I described feeling despondent and abandoned by God, I had a sudden realization. On some level I was still feeling abandoned. I had never let go of that feeling even though later on I had experienced Baba's loving presence in my life. Furthermore, if God had abandoned me why was I in India sitting across from the tomb of the Avatar of this age? In that moment of realization, Meher Baba, the master psychiatrist, lifted a barrier that had blocked my ability to feel the depth of His love for me. During the rest of my stay in India I experienced a loving reunion and honeymoon with the Beloved of my heart.
一天，我参拜巴巴的三摩地时，纳纳·科尔要我分享我的巴巴故事。我们坐在曼达普，巴巴陵墓对面、带顶棚的石砌平台上。我开始讲起故事，谈到自感颓丧、被上帝遗弃时，突然有所了悟。某种程度上，我仍感觉被遗弃。我过去从未释放这种感觉，即便后期我曾体验到巴巴的爱临在于我的生活中。再则，如果上帝遗弃了我，我为何会来印度，而且坐在本时代阿瓦塔的陵墓对面呢？在那一刻的了悟中，精神病学大师美赫巴巴，拿掉了某种障碍，它曾阻碍我感受他对我的深爱。我逗留印度的其余日子里，体验到与我的心灵至爱的美妙团聚和蜜月。
The Baba birthday celebration on February 25th was a magical time for me. As I celebrated this event with hundreds of other devotees, I felt as though the atmosphere at Meherabad was permeated with the sweetness of Baba's love. The love and longing I felt during the birthday and in other events of my three week’s stay is hard to convey in words. In order to express the inexpressible, I was inspired to write two Baba songs. The words below are from one of the songs:
2月25日的巴巴生日庆典，对我来说是神奇时刻。我与数百名其他爱者一起庆祝这个节日，感到美拉巴德的气氛弥漫着巴巴的甜蜜之爱。我的逗留为期三周，参加生日和其他活动期间所感受到的爱与渴望难以言喻。为了表达那不可言传的东西，我获得灵感写了两首巴巴歌曲。其中一首歌词如下：
Your Love is the flame that sets life aglow
A beacon that pierces the night
Guiding wayfarers to Love s abode
Place of the heart 's delight.
您的爱是点亮生命的火焰
刺破黑夜的灯塔
引领行道者抵达爱的寓所
心灵喜悦之地
I left India on March 8th. Baba had filled my cup to the brim and I felt His loving presence on the journey home and upon my return. This love gave me the strength to face some challenges after the breakup of my marriage. Later I felt Baba's loving hand in introducing me to my husband, John, who has shared the continuing adventure of growing in Baba’s Love. In the thirty years since that first India trip, my relationship with Baba has deepened. He continues to guide, support and sustain me throughout each day and through every Joy and sorrow. I feel tremendous gratitude for all that He has given and continues to give.
我于3月8日离开印度。巴巴使我的心杯满溢，归家途中以及到家后，都感受到巴巴的爱之临在。这份爱赋予我力量，去面对婚姻破裂后的一些挑战。后来我觉得，巴巴的慈爱之手把我介绍给我的丈夫约翰，他分享了在巴巴的爱中成长的持续冒险。自从第一次印度之旅后的三十年里，我与巴巴的关系不断深化。他继续指引、支持并且维系我度过每一天，经历每场欢乐和悲伤。我极大地感激他曾给予并且继续给予的一切。
Carol was raised in Wilmington and now lives part-time in Chapel Hill and part-time in India.
卡萝在威明顿市长大，如今部分时间住教堂山，部分时间住印度。
